For just over two years, my son barely blinked an eye when I said he couldn’t eat this, that or the other thing from his Hallowe’en loot bag or at a friend’s party. Recently, though, he has become more attached to eating the (never ending supply of) candies and cupcakes sent home with him from school.
I’ve been pondering whether to let him try just a single candy, or whether to continue holding off. On the one hand, I consider the approach some regions of the world offer their children regarding alcohol, such that it becomes not so exciting, not such a big deal, and it is thus often well (and moderately) handled by their teens and adulthood. On the other hand, I cringe at the thought of potentially subjecting my son to days of belly pain.
Last Friday, Valentine’s Day was celebrated at his school. Cards were in abundance, and only four families did not attach at least one candy to each! Two families (one of whom we know for sure did this especially for my son) attached tiny toys – How awesome was that?! So, my son came home with oh so many candies and cookies and was eager to try them. I thought for a moment, then suggested a trade.
I said, “When I dropped you off at school, I saw all the candies that would be handed out, and I knew you would be excited about them, and I knew it would feel a bit hard for you to skip them. So while you were at school, I got you a special treat. I have an idea: Why don’t you put the candies into your basket and take them around to your friends [in the complex], one each. And when you come back, you will have your own big plate of your favourite things: cheese and mango.” He was thrilled. House to house he went, offering out candies.
Well, what a blessing this turned out to be! The recipients were delighted to find my little son at their door, offering them a candy each. (Spying, I heard one neighbour exclaim with surprise that it was “like trick-or-treat in reverse”.) It seemed to brighten everyone’s day! My son was tickled pink to get to knock on doors and offer a treat from his basket, as well as at everyone’s happiness. Upon arriving home, his eyes were big as saucers when he found his plate of mangoes and cheese. And, check it out: In the subsequent hours, three of our neighbours came by bearing gifts for him: stickers, an apple and a toy car!
Gosh, that was a whole lot of joy going around our world: His schoolmates had fun preparing and giving the Valentines gifts; my son had great joy receiving them, then equal joy in surprising fifteen neighbours with treats, and again in finding and eating his special treat, and thrice more in receiving the gifts his own act inspired. I imagine those giving the reciprocal gifts felt pretty awesome, too. And beyond the initial seconds of requesting to try a candy, my son didn’t appear to experience any feeling of lack at all. Cool.
Indeed, VERY cool. I haven’t witnessed so clearly the cycle of joy and giving you describe, but have noticed that the pleasure in receiving candy then consuming it is over in a mere blink of the eye. I guess that’s the whole point, so one will just eat more and more. You can really find much joy when you step outside some of the routine patterns and conventions [particularly at holidays involving sweets] that become almost mechanical exchanges of sugar. Bravo!!!
Thanks for sharing this experience Baden. I sent it to a patient of mine who shared a similar experience of what to do with so much candy on Valentine’s Day. We reminisced about the days when we were overjoyed with just exchanging paper valentines. Getting candy in addition to a valentine was a rare treat.